Sometimes the things we save end up saving us

"We don't interpet things as they are. We interpret them as we are."
~ Author unknown

I wrote this poem in college. It was about a little boy enjoying the simplest pleasures of life, the truly important stuff. We could all take lessons from this 'fictional' subject of the piece. Well, I bring it here because the last line really caused quite a stir amongst my classmates because no one knew what to quite make of it. Read for yourself:

Pictures In A Photo Album
Running . . .
my brave young boy.
my sweet boy,
saver of small stones
and candy coated memories.
keeper of bent bottle caps
and metal scraps that shine
like gold in the summer sun.

Imagining . . .
my little-hearted son.
my golden son,
painter of apple rich trees
and fields lush enough for barefoot frolic.
dreamer of merry-go-rounds
and the warm sounds Mother
makes smelling roses redder than newborn skin.

Sleeping . . .
my tired child.
my everlasting child,
eyes brighter than all the suns,
skin soft as rainbows.
slip under comforting covers
and breathe easier now
for tomorrow your life will really unravel.

It's that last line that grabbed everyone's attention. And honestly, I don't know what meaning I was leaning towards when it came out. And sure, I've picked it apart to try and find some deep, dark meaning in it. But, I do think I wrote it for a good reason, and without it, the poem would fail to make the impact it did. But sometimes, and quite simply, I wrote it because it left a lot to the imagination. And because it sounded good.

But, I do know this. I was going through a very similar mental breakdown when I wrote this in 1994. Things were going well for me that year, I guess you could call it my 'breakout' year. I was experiencing life. But, little did I know that right around the corner, my life would take me in directions I never would've have dreamed of. And I'm not talking about fame, riches, babes and beaches.

My life slowly started to unravel at one particular moment, in one particular place and with one particular person. After that, it was one bad choice after another. Sometimes I refer back to this poem, and that last looming, almost prophetic line, and I wonder if I fulfilled my own destiny - just the way it said it I would.

Think about the word unravel. You see, some people thought it was a positive word - that tomorrow the child would wake, and all his dreams would come true if only he worked hard to attain those dreams. On the other hand, there were those that though unravel had a negative and forboding connotation. As if one day the child would wake and realize that life is just one struggle after another, full of life's tiny tragedies like death, loss, failure and self-destruction.

Well, that's what unravel meant to me at the time, and still means to me to this day. It means coming apart, seam by seam, until one day, you're just hanging on by that final thread and you are forced to face yourself, wondering if it is all worth it. You must make a decision: hang on and live, perhaps try one more go at life, or take the easy way out and let go of that thread - only to fall to your death.

Do we have complete control over the course of our lives? I do. I truly believe we do, but choices only take us so far. It's what we do once we reach there that will determine our true destiny.