To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing

"Never think someone will be there forever...forever is a long time and time has a way of changing things."
~ Author unknown

So, on Monday I had my first group session as part of this new therapy I'm receiving (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, or DBT for short). I was skeptical going in because I've had many negative experiences in group settings. But, I was instantly comfortable and felt welcomed and embraced by the group right away. I guess it was because we were all there for a common purpose, and because we we all 'Borderlines,' which is a label we all hate because that is not all who we are. We are not our disorders. We just happen to have very intense emotions that are sometimes difficult to control, which is why we are there - to learn how to regulate our emotions.

Since this was my first time with the group, I didn't expect myself to really share much apart from only my first name. But, surprisingly, I shared quite a bit which is unusual for me, but like I said, I felt comfortable and maybe that lowered my anxiety level so much so that I could speak about my emotions to a group of strangers. The others seemed to know each other for quite some time, but I didn't feel alienated, nor did I feel discouraged to speak. I was one of only two males in the group, which is not a problem for me, but I wonder if it would be a problem for the rest in terms of what and how much they share about themselves. But, the whole point of the group really is to learn how to change and regulate your emotions and the actions that follow those emotions. It's not really a setting for delving into your deepest, darkest secrets. That's what the individual therapy is for.

Speaking of that, I had my first individual session Wednesday afternoon. My therapist seems to be really on point and I get a good vibe from him. What we tried to do today is narrow down what it is I would like to work on - set goals if you will - in these sessions. I guess my number one issue is my tendency to engage in chaotic relationships with women. Or, if they start off nice and smoothly, they usually end in chaos, usually caused by me. It's a definite pattern I've spoken about here. I tend to enter into relationships with women who have some kind of mental health issues themselves, and who tend to have some disruption in their home life, particularly the lack of a father figure. Maybe there are signals I am putting out there, or maybe I myself are attracted to these types of women because maybe I feel I can somwhow 'rescue' them or make their lives better. Who knows? There are probably a lot of factor that are in play.

But, so far so good. I feel good about this. I really do. I'm glad I didn't over-think my way out of this, like I would usually do. I jumped in with little room for reservation and doubt to wedge their way in, filling me with fear, and perhaps maybe stopping me from doing this.

Things are changing already.